I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im holly from the hills drunk
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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