wrigley field is MILF paradise
no, he came in my armpit
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
