so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
