I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
