I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
