after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
