fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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