I can text with my tongue
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
