Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
