We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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