Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
