yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
