i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
