Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
