So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
