She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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