youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
