I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
