You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
