I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
