i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
