Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
