After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
