If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
