so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
