normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
