Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
