its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
