If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
