oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
