yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
