I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
