Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
