Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Congratulations! We have a period
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