One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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