this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
