you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
