I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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