New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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