If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
