Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
