Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
