we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
