Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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