The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
