this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
