I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
