And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
