I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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