Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like eating out sand paper
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
